D E S T I N Y

a new moon spin

2005-05-11T23:50:00.000-07:00

12 na, bilis ng araw. nkakamiss. ndaming gud news para sa knyaü buti nman. assumption college sya.tpos,may party pa cya wd her kakadas. im hapi for you girlü aun,ako nman.. di bale nlng. haha. ndi mo kelangan marinig. bsta enjoy.smileü.may mga kaibigan ka. i hope u can wait a little longer. always pray.i wanna see you. hug you. kiss you. basta let the gud tyms roll!! oras mo yan!ü always take care. aun,naicp ko dn.. tangna, ung mga bagay na dpat kong baguhin. she has her own life, meron dn ako.ang pangit nman kung mkekealam ako just to feed my greediness. ayoko umapak ng shadow ng iba o kaligayahan ng tao para sa sarili kong kaligayahan. inicp ko, wen it comes to her own life dpat masaya ako para sknya. so,pano ba yan,ol na cya. babayü

face against them

2005-05-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

All this thoughts are never resting

I’m so attached to it but ends up messing

I worry I won’t see your face again

But I will wait even my faith would break and bend

I lost my place somewhere

Is providence hiding there!?

Coz even the best would fall sometimes

Even the wrong would seem too right

Everybody needs someone to hold on to

If you’ll believe in me, it will come true

Bless me with a kiss

Touching you with nature’s bliss

Whisper my name till I fall asleep

Reminds you of words we ought to keep

untitled

2005-05-09T10:27:00.000-07:00

What was funny about us was that we hated comparing our feelings. We both love each other not knowing that it was more than enough for us to notice. That we are so foolish, we believed that we didn’t deserve each other. That one thinks that the other was too good and so did the other. But what made us distinct was that we respected each other. That when we argue, one must be on a lower ground. One would accept and understand. We were so passionate and so the story goes..

We knew that we had nothing in common. Time was spent crying, and fighting, always at the odds, disagreeing , and most in conflict. we loved each other so much that we couldn’t be mad at each other for a day. we always had ways to pay retribution another day. To spare the moment. To forgive and understand. She believed that life is too short. Too short that hating has no room in time, Sadness didn’t deserve the attention, and the moments to be cherished was all that matters. We have had accepted that both of us has a weakness effect on each other. Of course, I’ve found out some cures but I couldn’t help but to be poisoned again. And so, I gave up the cures.

I believed that love for a person is not measured by the gifts or the charms or anything that money has provided. Most men don’t. most of them were scared to lose.
And so was I. I felt happy that I’ve won her heart and thought that it was something to brag about. And then I thought, I was just scared. she was too good for me that people around wouldn’t think that she was in love with such a jerk. I was scared that none of them would believe. I was scared to lose her.
I realized it won’t matter. They, with their false beliefs were not the ones that would matter in the end. Well, it was as good as swallowing your own pride. Then I believed that love is measured more on everything that you would do. More than the decorative splendor that money can buy. Men just use their dough just to stick it with somebody’s ass. It was more on killing someone for her than dying for her.

When I was younger, I believed that LOVE is all bullshit. A thing that poets write about. For me, it was a more complicated thing than playing with my racecar toys. Buying all the shits and making it last. Winning and losing was no big deal. Upgrading and fixing made it more interesting. Weighing up all the Changes and making plans to be followed.
I was scared that one day, I will be in love. That was more complicated. That winning and losing isn’t easy. That sometimes everything can be torn apart in one blow. That you can’t buy all the shits for it to last. That YOU have to work for it with your own life. I knew there was something shitty about love.

i pray for a rain

2005-05-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

ano to? tangina, ndi ko na alam!!! nguguluhan na ako. ndi ko alam kung bkt kelangan mging ganito. sabi ko na nga ba, cla lng un e.bhala na kung maayus pa.pero ang iniicp ko, pano pg iniwan mo ako. cno aasahan ko!? mg-isa nnman ako? tpos nkita ko sa account, nkalagay dun ung id ni overguy sa "family" ndi ko alam kung ngkamali lng o sinadya un. pero khit ano sa dalawa, nsaktan na ko.. sakit un men. ndaming gumugulo sa icp ko. ndaming pumapasok. pero wlang lumalabas. wla akong maintndihan. ayaw ko nang intndihn. naniniwala nlng ako dahil mahal kita. tama na un.i hope a rain falls hard to me. hard enuf to wash the tears. the tears that never stoped.i've learnd a lot. i've compromised everything..i know this time will come. now it's here, maybe ders sumthing to be changed. kung mwwla lahat skn, tangina mawala na lahat ngayon plang! kung mwwala ka dn, iwanan mo na ako! gusto na kitang makita,yakapin at isama. lilipad tayo. ndi na babalik dito. kung saan puno ng ka-plastikan. puno nang ka-hibangan.mga unang araw, i was luking back.. lucking back to all the moments. ngayon, i'm luking forward. forward to the horizon of hope. damnt, un lng ang pnaniniwalaan ko ngayon.at faith ang hawak ko.sana pumatak na. pumatak ang ulan na aking hinihintay!

Sometimes pain is the price of honesty and honesty is the price of pain

2005-05-01T03:56:00.000-07:00

Maybe I just want to hear you. Maybe I just want to know that you are happy with me. For me to know that all these.. are satisfying you. I can’t take out your past, it’s yours.
What you have felt. The moments. It’s you. You were happy, and I must be, because you are. So selfish of me. I’m hurt. Everybody has their own feelings..But I can’t give up. I don’t give up. I don’t give up. You are hurt. But I can’t make you not to give up.

Love is an unfair, unstable, paranoid relationship..men are worse than women in it.

The fragrance always remains in the hands that gives the rose.

2005-05-01T03:54:00.000-07:00

Anyone can love you..anyone can have a crush on you. anyone can give you flowers or gifts everyday. But it doesn’t matter to you. because what matters is for whom the flower is given. For whom your love is bestowed. In a room, two persons approach you, the person that has a crush on you and your crush. Which one of these two has more of your attention? Of course, you’ll pay attention to your crush. Because what really matters deep inside is you. not them.

If I love you, it won’t matter to you but it matters to me. Basically because, you can be loved by anyone just like me. But I can’t just love anyone. It must be someone.. just like anybody does including you.. look, a woman can screw a hundred times, not feel like it once. ‘women don’t come like men, for them it’s a little phitt. Not like a guy’s. guys really blow their brains with their nuts.men really fuck.’ Women don’t. (forgive me, I’m just exaggerating) what I’m trying to say is, maybe it doesn’t matter to the one that receives…but it really matters to the one that gives.and everyone is involved here..

5 months

2005-04-28T03:51:00.000-07:00

5 mos. Na tyo mgkakilala. Since that day, ndami nbago. Ng-iba ang pgkatao ko. Prang may nabuhay na isang blank space sa akin. Until now, ganito parin ako. You’ve changed me. You’ve changed my life. My destiny. Hindi kita gusto dahil maganda ka o madaming ngkakagusto syo. Gusto kita dahil kailangan ka ng pagkatao ko. There is a magnet within you that keeps my soul finding and longing for you.. feeling complete with you. I love you. I love who you are. What you do. What you can’t. what you think. How you breathe.
I love you even if you don’t. or you won’t. nothing matters more. i don’t give a shit about the people around you. Everybody likes you. Everybody loves you. But you can’t love ‘em all.

2005-04-26T14:30:00.000-07:00

storm drifts down vast the demont sent,
and murders of crows soars the firament.
the stars revolt amidst the space,
as i stand beside for solace.
a moment to forsake, seeking no harm to come,
while the coat of sadness keeps me warm.
ripping the memories all in my brain,
in this cold blistered desert rain.

gud tyms roll

2005-03-30T22:48:00.000-08:00

la lng.kasama ko c pesky ngaun.tpos,ngaun lng ulit ako ngblogg..pro wla nman ako mssabi. kc, mejo oki na ko.wla na msyadong problema.sana gn2 nlng plgi..aun,ano pa ba..tpos na perio nmin. ibg sbhn,summer na.pero delikado ako sa chem.yoko, mgsummer class no.tska sana ndi malungkot angh vacation na ito.ye meyn!

wojoo!

2005-03-11T23:20:00.000-08:00

nkknig ng "shimmer"..ka-ym c lissa..hinihintay twag ni pesky..aun..knna oki tas nbd3p ako tas oki nnman..hay...aun..ng-oflyn na c lissa..boring na..you get wat u giv na ung pnpkingan ko.. an2k na ko..huhu..hectic bukas..aga ggcng tpos shooting pa na nkkasar.ndi ko lam kung ano oras mttpos..tpos gago ka wyn!..tpos..sana oki tska ayus ung pgkkta nmin tom..ewan.."ewan" na ung tawag sa mga naiicp ko e..status-"not sure on what's after"..kakaiyak..ayun..malamang mga 12 or 1 un ttwag..bd3p sun..xpired na lod ko..member na ako ng yahoogroup ng juventus..pic lng habol ko dun e..haha..batch pic ng mga 4th yr..nkkiyak tlga..tpos tinamaan pa ako dun sa nrinig ko..ano un?..ung love notes dun sa wave na station..preehong preho amps! aun..pagkatapos nman ng kung ano man e oki na kami tlga e..wag lng sana mgkalimutan at mgkawalaan ng feelings.huhu..hawak-hawak ang grad pic na nsa wallet ko..npg-icp icp ko..kung may maswerte, ako un..kc nklala ko tong tao na to e...ndi png-jok tym..png-LIFETIME..hanging by a moment.. sana..ndi to pnaginip..kung oo,sana hindi na ako gumising kung hindi rin cya ang ggcng skn..

aria pro ii

2005-03-06T16:09:00.000-08:00

kaasar,dahil patapon na bass ko..nde,kc bago ko pa binili un may pnakita skn ung ngbenta.. tangna aria pro..engot sya,sabi nya bbenta nya ng P9,000 pro la ko pera nun kya ung isa ung binili ko..ngyon,nlman ko na c cliff burton ng metallica ay may aria pro..kala ko joke tym lng ung cnsbi nung ngbenta..tangna magiipon ako pra mbili ko un..asteeg kaya.tpos mura pa kc nga luma na..pero konting gastos lng ma-mmodify na un tpos maayus na din.pwede na pg,malaki un. san ka pa mkakakita nun d2?hehe..malamang ndi pa ngayon pero pag cnareer ko pgbbass,.. tsk tsk.. gagastusan ko tlga un..aun,la lng..ganda kc e..hoooo!aun lng e.

morning glory

2005-03-05T08:21:00.000-08:00

la lng..ntapos nrin ung "nightmare"..buti nlng ayus na. pro promises are promises.aun. pprove ko nlng srili ko...sa troops,ayun..away away.ayus lng.proud prin ako ke early boy! the best.. db? khit cno nman..pro khit lam nya na mas malaki kalaban nya..wla cya pkelam..ininsulto mahal nya e.tama lng un!mhalaga npaglaban mo tska ndi mo hnayaan bastusin.gud luck men! ingat ka plgi..aun..school..mejo nkkuha ako ng letter..3 subjects..fili,math,chem..badtrip..pati fili nsama!?
chem lng problema ko e..absent pa ako ng 1week.double ung effort dpat.aun..may grad pic na nya ako!! hehe..nkkinig ako ngayon ng POISON ng Alice Cooper..benta..aun.la na msyado mga tsong..i don't wanna break this chain!

before i sleep

2005-03-04T20:39:00.000-08:00

sadness shivers before i sleep
my body feels the pain you speak
eyes are closed while i hear those words
all the moments felt as the voices haze

your smile, your voice
your face, your noise
your laughter, your eyes
your lips (saying "i love you"), your cries
your scent, your hair
your skin, your care (i wish i'm there)
your cheeks, your hands
your waist, your stands

while i think of you
can you feel it to?
when will i hear those words again?
words first said at the age of ten..
words made me feel i'm someone else
but the same time, i learned myself

now,happiness for me is not unreal
because i found one,and that one is you!

jokes on me

2005-03-04T08:29:00.000-08:00

times i thought someone's out there
someone better
someone that deserves you more
someone more you deserve
someone we don't know
can be me who loves you
can be him who you love
can be anyone that passes us by
no one knows "that someone" you deserve
but only you can tell
"the someone" that you need
maybe the jokes on me
times i thought i was someone else
times i thought it was me
now, it doesn't matter
it's only you who can tell..

2005-03-01T12:53:00.000-08:00

grabe,another day..ayus lng.naayus agad tong unit nmin.hehe.kala ko matatagalan. pro eto ulit ako.pa friendster friendster.pa emo emo.hehe.buti nrinig ko ulit boses nya kgbi.bago man lng m2log.patagal ng patagal,lalo kong ntututunang mkalala sarili ko. feeling ko kc nawala ko un e.pero dahil sa mga kaibigan ko,khit wla ung presence nla..nlman ko na life is not only made for girls girls girls.hehe.iba kc ung love na hnahanap mo sa friend at iba dn ung ineexpect mo sa partner mo.kaya puro nlng c pesky c pesky c pesky.nsa utak ko.ndi ko alam nmmiss na pla ako ng mga kaibigan ko. naicp ko dn na klngan at klngan ko dn mbalik ung quality tym pra sa mga tropa ko.hehe.baduy pr0 totoo.aun,kaya nga pgbalik na pgbalik ko..aayusin ko lhat. yoko dn nman mgkalabuan pti sa tropa ko e.iba ung tym pra sa knla, iba dn pra kay pes..aun. cguro msyado lng tlga ako nanggigil dahil iniicp ko bka wla na akong pgkkataon na ipakita ung feelings ko sknya.pro ung mga kaibigan ko,njan cla khit anong mgyri. ndi ko alam may sama ng loob na pla sla skn.hehe.sanay na ko dun.aayusin ko nlng tlga. pati sa scul.ndami ko na nmmiss sa nkasanayang kong buhay.hay nako, dito nlng. god will make a way!

the hope i wear

2005-02-28T11:59:00.000-08:00

i still hope we'll get through this. anger and hatred is not needed. all you've got to do is to accept and to understand.iknow, compared to your reasons..mine have some points that you might not see.but still, i hope you'll understand and accept it.and there's a question inside.."now that what you feel special for me seems fading,and all the good things are gone..are you happy?" i know it's all me to blame but ijust want to know. *cause if you are,that means all the things you felt special really doesn't matter even without your anger and all. it shows that what you feel are just nothing. emotions you shouldn't show. *but if you're not, i know that still. you feel something special no matter how tiny it is.i know, somewhere there. and anytime it can fire up and bring the light for us again.cause i know,maybe it can fade..but once you felt that something special, it'll never die. *both ways, what i feel for you still remains.it never changes,and for as long as i breath..it's you and only you my heart finds.and that's eternal.i will go on with or without your feelings for me.cause i know, we never lost each other.that's why i'll never give this up. i'm always here.

i love you,always forever

2005-02-28T10:41:00.000-08:00

i still belive in destiny and hope
it's the things who can come between
making ourselves just like in our memories.
they say i'm nothing
they say i'm no one
but you made me know they are all wrong
i felt i could be someone else
i still believe that god has his reasons for all these.
we just have to be strong.
hold still on each other and never give up.
knowing you is like catching a ball but i'm confused and afraid to toss it
because i might make the wrong move and miss the goal.
you made me feel i was special.
i hope you really mean it. not just because i'm kind.
i wish it's all true.
the stars never peeped a light on me
leaves never dried for me
the sun does not kiss the sea for me
the birds never sing for me.
it's all just happening..just like you,
you happened and changed everything.
and now you feel something is wrong.
we just have to get through this.because i don't wanna lose you.
you being there means much i should feel.
we still have each other,we never lost it.
i still and always will love you..

everything is on a spin

2005-02-28T09:28:00.000-08:00

hay buhay, sa wakas pagaling na ako. para akong namatay ng 8 days.. ansama ng feeling. e2, klngan ko humabol sa takbo ng buhay.sa scul,sa friends,sa buhay! hehe.pero yus parin ako.. nagusap kmi kgbi.ayus lng.buti na ung ganon.wla nman may gs2 na magkagalit kmi e. naintndhan ko kung bkt ganun cya.kasalanan ko din nman e.sana lng matanggap nya ung mga dahilan ko at maunawaan nya ako.pra maayus na to.hehe.ngayon, pa friendster friendster lng ako..mmya, todo review na ako sa chem.sana tumawag ulit cya.gs2 ko sbhn sa kanya na nmmiss ko na tlga cya.aun.may gnwa ulit ako..
after all this
when the scars are gone
when the pain is away
after the tears dry
and the feelings healed back
i will catch up
i will make it up
just don't run too fast
i don't want to be left behind
i'll catch up
PROMISE
hehe.aus ba?la mgawa e.pero totoo yan.alam ko ndami ako ngawang mali.gs2 kong bumawi. gs2 ko humabol sa mga naiwan ko.sa bagay,cguro gnusto tlga ni Lord for some reasons.pra din cguro masubukan kung gano ko kakayanin pg alam ko skin ung problema.hehe.mis ko na tlga cya!

sadness within me now

2005-02-27T22:20:00.000-08:00

all the sadness and this was brought with just one blow. i hardly saw it. the next thing before it was you and your smile. i was happy then. but all of a sudden the wind never stopped on me.
it blew hard.hard enough to take away the sadness i feel. it washed my anger and all the emotions i felt.the heat of the sun pinches my skin.slowly piercing off my soul.feels like it would lose grip on my hanging body on a cliffhanger.but my heart just can't.love never ends. that's why your name is always on a circle not in a heart.cause in a circle, my love never breaks. in a circle, thinking of you never ends.and loving you is eternal.all the things happened between us, i want to get it back from your bad feelings.i want to get it and keep it for love's sake. i'll put it in a box and maybe open it again if all of these comes through us.i want to fly right now. away from all these..i still don't want to believe that this is happening.before i knew it,it faded.you're always invited to come. you know, you've punched me 7 times stronger than anyone else exists. but how come i can't feel the pain? i can't feel the pain. i can't feel the pain. can't we hold back on what we had before this nightmare?can't we be ourselves like we were before? and now i find myself living into memories.creating an image of life without you.but i can't! cause as long as my body lives,or even if it dies..i wouldn't change a damn thing about loving you with my soul. now, i wish i'm in eternal serenity..sleeping..and hoping you would wake me up.wake me up again..

you under my skin

2005-02-27T06:28:00.000-08:00

we still have some chances that can be used. this is given to us for us to be strong. it's just a test.
we're still friends whatever happens. and the right time will come if ever now is not enough. we have our faith in each other.we both believe in destiny.we both know that even if we can't be together right at this moment.we will have our time.remember the times we shared our thoughts? so many times we both say the words at the same time.."sa outer space" i was so happy with that and all.we're so close.and its so plain to say that i learned to love you to the extent that i promised to marry you.maybe they'll say i'm too newbie to say those things but i'm old enough to understand what i'm saying isn't impossible.i just really miss you today.

2005-02-26T18:36:00.000-08:00

"No one could ever know me, No one could ever see me, seems you're the only one who knows, What it's like to be me. Someone to face the day with,Make it through all the rest with.Someone I'll always laugh with. Even at the worst I'm best with you"

2005-02-26T18:18:00.000-08:00

an excerpt from a song..so funny why everybody feels the same pain over and over until your over..and everyone thinks it's really over.i told her.. loving her is breathing, how can i stop?..everything will be alright.i'm always here.no matter what happens. maybe you are thinking that im just doing things to get you or please you for my own sake.for you all know, i never did something that i knew it's my choice.and my choice is to burn waiting until you can see.
breakfast at tiffany's:

"I see you,
the only one who knew me,
And now your eyes see through me,
I guess I was wrong,So what now?
It's plain to see we're over,
And I hate when things are over,
When so much is left undone"

this will never happen. i will always be your friend. i just wish there'is still something left for me in you.......

summer rain

2005-02-26T17:05:00.000-08:00

i opened my eyes,it was a sunny day.i told myself it's just an ordinary day...i wish..felt like the sun never shined on me.hearing voices from my heart.emotions drew black and white.my mind makes me ask what to do.just wished i never woke up.feels as bad as yesterday.. can't we just be what we're used to? sometimes hearing the truth makes you better even if it will make you feel all wrong. anger wouldn't change everything. sorries wouldn't heal the pain. but the reality that you did something and all you've got to do is to understand and hope would make things better. with a burst of all the consequences, i just have to take it all. maybe i've just love you much. maybe i'm just afraid that you would fly..away,that i wouldn't have another chance. that's why i've shown you much.too much that you can't breath.much to feel the pressure inside. i just want you to feel what's on me.i just want to give it all because maybe i wouldn't have the chance anymore. because we both know the nearing stage wherein we wouldn't find time together. but i guess too much wouldn't make you feel the real thing i'd like you to feel.it turned out that it would make you feel the other way around.and this is it.i just want you to understand.
well yes, it's another day. but i can't be like this everyday. today my soul is calm. because i know it's gonna be alright. maybe then you'd appreciate what i've done even if it's wrong. maybe you'll appreciate.when such a time will come on you.maybe you'll then understand me.I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU EVEN AS A FRIEND.never had a clue what made you see me wrong. but whatever made you,i know it's all true.maybe this time it's all up to you.. never loved someone else like i do.i just want you to be happy in life with or without me by your side. but i want you to always remember, that whatever happens"..we still have each other. somewhere.somehow." God didn't made me know you for just nothing.God wants us to meet for us to learn each other and to accept.for us to be happy and for us to know our capacity to love as humans.just humans.

2005-02-25T22:18:00.000-08:00

hay nako, sakit ng buhay.kagabi sobrang sama ng utak ko..
pero dahil ndi ako natulog..nkpgicpicp dn nman ako. naicp ko na ndi nman dapat magselos o magisip ng kung ano man.dahil mababaw lng nman ung pngseselosan ko. tska, ndi dapat ako nkekealam.aun.nagalit tuloy cya.pero cguro dala lng un ng pgkasad ko kc nammis ko na cya at naiicp ko na dapat ako ung ksama nya,haha.pero naintndhan ko dn nman e. mali kc ung iniicp ko e.kaibigan lng nman e.ngayon,wla na skn un.hehe.salamat ke popops!un.tska naicp ko nrin tlga na khit maging kmi,ndi mwwala un.hehe.bad3p dn ung sun.hehe.hirap 2mwag.

what i felt in you

2005-02-24T22:39:00.000-08:00

it's a feeling more than what most of us feel.

it's a feeling of making someone feel happy everyday.

it's a feeling of showing someone that she is special.

it's respecting her decision knowing that it's from her heart.

it's making her laugh even if you are sick.

it's giving her the best of you.

it's changing for good and specially for her.

it's like burning a lifetime waiting.

it's being free when your not if she needs you.

it's doing your best for her to feel that you are there in times of sadness.

it's letting her carry around your heart anywhere she goes.

it's teaching yourself to learn evrything about her.

it's being completely honest to each other even if it hurts.

it's doing stupid things like not sleeping until she does.

it's making a promise over the unseen consequences.

it's writing poems everytime you think about her.

it's kissing straight for 2 hours.

it's dating her whatever it takes just to be with her.

it's crying everytime you realize that your not going her anymore.

it's promising to see and live together forever after 4 years.

it's believing in destiny.

it's having faith, hope and love as the bond between no matter how far.

it's searching you and you only again and again after every life.

maybe you think it's love...

it's not.

there is such thing as a love more than love.

a feeling that weighs more than being in love.

somethings can't be the real thing but punches harder than that.

got it?